i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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