He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
