so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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