At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's blow job season.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
