Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
