So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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