wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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