I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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