when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize