You're completely useless in the revolution.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
