I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
