wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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