It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
