how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
