remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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