I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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