ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
