Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
