So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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