So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
