so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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