it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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