guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
