I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
