I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
