the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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