I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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