I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
