First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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