She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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