One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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