Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
