The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
