WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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