Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
