How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
