So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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