No awkward lesbian experiences without me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
