Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
