FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
