Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
