I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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