would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
