i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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