This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
