What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
