We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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