Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
