if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You're a waste of cheezeits
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
