Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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