where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize