I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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