Quick, to the slutcave!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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