I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
