What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
