hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
