But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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