I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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