My friends, they love my intelligence
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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