Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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