He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
