It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am midnight drunk by noon
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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