She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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