so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize