i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
