okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
