how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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