You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
