rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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