five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
