I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
