people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
